Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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