someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
