I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
