Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
