So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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