no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
