I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
