The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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