im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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