I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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