and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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