I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
