Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
