ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
