My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
