Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
