Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
