you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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