I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
