I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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