all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
