if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
