I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
