i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
