What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
