One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
