so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
