I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
