dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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