he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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