So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My butt remains clenched, sir.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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