haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
