We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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