wrigley field is MILF paradise
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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