its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
