why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
