Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
