I met the friendliest cop last night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
