I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
