That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
