why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
