Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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