My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My liver just had a heart attack.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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