she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
