I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
