Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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