She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
