We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize