my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
