here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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