help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
