She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
