Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
