I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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